Saturday, 8 August 2015

Happy birthday

8 months ago you left. There would be no coming back, no long winded phone calls, no more seeing your smiling face. This is your day and one I cannot forget ever. Happy birthday. Take care dear sweet woman.

I hope there's someone up there
Looking after you
I hope there's someone there to care
doing things you like to do
This is the first birthday
Not spent here with us
I hope in some little way
They are making a bit of a fuss
So here I am saying a prayer
To whoever is looking after you
Please take very good care
Of this wonderful woman please do

Anon.

Thursday, 30 April 2015

Education

I guess I should elaborate as to why I took on a second internal medicine residency. Firstly I should clarify by saying that I am not as insane as most people like to think.....Secondly, I should answer what one the specialists and friend of mine once told me, which at the time I did not believe. She said that the US system would stifle me and I would lose my flare for innovative thinking in light of the more intellectually safe evidence based medicine.....Unfortunately she was right.......When I look at evidence based medicine, especially for retrospective studies, and the hospital records they come from I find it hard to believe in these papers. Evidence based medicine to me is one guy successfully trying a certain therapy.........Sometimes, it's trial and error.....So in that way I have been curtailed with my thoughts and therapies and have lost an edge which I once had

For the most part I took on the second residency because I wanted to teach. I saw new graduates complaining about their education and not being trained the way I was. I saw a culture of teaching new graduate veterinarians to refer.....

Whereas I agree in referral, what happens to patients that cannot be referred due to finances, or extenuating circumstances like distance or an inability to travel to a referral hospital ? No one could answer me.

My father was a teacher, I watched the enjoyment he got from it and the frustration he had when the students he taught wouldn't apply themselves....Unfortunately this has become an all too common scenario. There is a a lack of willingness to apply ones self and a for want of better words the thought that every student should be spoon fed the information and be able to graduate without any effort.

 I think whereas there is somewhat of a problem with the process of teaching due to economic cutbacks, teaching hours and hands on exposure to wet labs, there is a bigger problem with attitudes to education and the thought that our younger generation is owed an education......

Here's one of my favourites; Nelson Mandela once wrote 

"Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world" 

or better still from a man I loved, grew up with and still to this day value as my mentor. 

"If you want to learn, I'm happy to teach. If you don't want to learn go sit in the corner and let the ones who want to learn, learn"

Saturday, 25 April 2015

This week marks 4 weeks since I returned to the states to resume my residency. Over the last few months veterinary medicine was farthest from my mind and I had been focused on protecting my family and the grieving process. Since arriving back I have struggled a little with my focus of my veterinary medicine residency to what sometimes seems like an archaic and futile process....

2 weeks ago, I was transferred an 11 week old puppy who weighed just 300 grams. He was hypothermic, hypoglcaemic and anaemic and in truth seemed not long for this world. His owners however, were true believers, not in me, but in the process of trying and seeing what happens. 2 blood transfusions later, intravenous fluids, intravenous antibiotics as well as some complications like sepsis and getting him to eat we discharged him today into his owners care.......He had doubled his body weight and was eating and behaving like a puppy should. His wife hugged me and simply whispered in my ear "Thank you for saving both the men in my life".....

Turns out her husband has had a gamete of medical problems and has faced an uphill struggle of finding people just to try and see....... I'm telling this story not to highlight anything except that sometimes the textbook should be abandoned and evidence based medicine should be put aside and we should just have a crack and give it a go........

I think J.R.R Tolkien sums it up the best

"Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens...."

Just a dinosaurs impression........

Thursday, 16 April 2015

The sum of Us

Great Aussie movie right....Too bad that's not what I'm talking about....

I think it's the experiences in life that you have. The smells, taste, sites, the good, the bad and the ugly. It's everything that influences our life as to who we become. In life unfortunately there are good and bad experiences, the trick too it is not to get weighed down by the bad and to make sure that all experiences that you have are positive ones....

I find myself these days, questioning the residency thing. When you are going through the process, you make it your whole life. You obsess over it and there is nothing else. You put the rest of your life on hold and there is nothing else. It's life passing you by whilst all your friends and family continue on.

Then something hits you to rouse you out of this trance. It's like a bucket of ice cold water being thrown over you. It burns your skin and you gasp for air trying to suck in enough just to breathe. And then you look around and begin to notice things again. You start to realise that life shouldn't be about the next case walking through the door or who did this study or what it meant.....

Truth about it is I'm really not sure if it's all worth it......

In looking for quotes for this one I found this by Robert Frost Bennett:

"Your life is the sum result of all the choices that you make, both consciously and unconsciously. If you can control the process of choosing, you can take control of all aspects of your life. You can find the freedom that comes from being in charge of yourself"

Saturday, 21 March 2015

Catching up

It's funny how you can just pick up with lifelong friends just like it was yesterday. I met up with one of those mates at the end of a challenging time for me at home in Australia. It was like it was yesterday. Sure our hair has receded and there is more grey than before in hair and beards but the truth is those bonds that were forged 3 decades ago are still there.....Kind of corny I know, but for me those are the people that you hold close through memories and experiences and even though life continues and you can lose touch with each other for long periods you always know that those true friends who you really value will be around.........

"True friends are people you don't need to talk to every single day. You don't need to talk to each other for months or years, but when you do, it's as if you never stopped talking and the time that you have lost contact with each other melts away"

Anon Author 

Saturday, 28 February 2015

So summer's over. Can't say it's been enjoyable but it's certainly been memorable for all the wrong reasons. In a few weeks I'll return to finish what I started 3 years ago in America and 7 years ago in Australia. Having normality again is a must. Slowly you begin to move your life along and the pain from the loss of a loved one begins to fade. Don't get me wrong the memories never fade but definitely the pain starts to numb and you progress forward.

So what has happened since the passing? A whole house has been cleaned out. 3 skips and 2 tonnes of rubbish removed. Several wardrobes of clothes have been donated to charity. Local artist paintings have been donated to the oncology unit. Numerous sets of glasses have been donated to third world countries....

What have I gained from it all besides the headache of sorting through the years of memories, trinkets and bric a brac? I have further developed a unique understanding of my parents and grandparents. I have read through all of my mum's writings and have developed a new respect for what a remarkable woman she truly was. I have also discovered what she sacrificed, not only to bring me into the world but also raise me.

So what is left? Well Wednesday will be a day of farewells when my mum is finally laid to rest and her ashes scattered. Just her and I and a priest. No fan fare, just the way she would have wanted it.

To all the people who have shown their support and have been there during this difficult time, words cannot express my thanks. You have been and remain true friends.........

Remember

Remember me when I am gone, 
gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand, 
nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay
Remember me when no more day by day
you tell me of the future that you planned;
Only remember me; you understand
it will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet, if you should forget me for a while
and afterwards, remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
a vestige of the thoughts that once I had, 
better by far you should forget and smile 
than that you should remember and be sad. 


Tuesday, 24 February 2015

Integrity

Is kindness and being reserved considered a weakness these days?? A few years ago I would have said no, but these days I feel that people see kindness/reserved people and then seek to take advantage of a situation.

I am a very reserved person at heart. I tend to keep my feelings to myself and treat people as I wish to be treated. However, I'm no pushover. If someone takes advantage or tries to walk all over me I will and do stand up for myself and will push back. And then what happens if you do have that back bone to push back? Well, when that happens we have lost all rationalism, so much so that we have become litigious. That is reflected throughout society because as a whole, and this is a generalisation,  we now look always blame each other and seek monetary advantage from this, rather than say "shit happens" or accepting responsibility and saying "That's my mistake......"

There is a mentality out there these days that screwing with someone or screwing over someone to get ahead in life has become the norm. Almost like, and forgive me for using the analogy, a kill or be killed sentiment..... I feel we concentrate on the blame rather than figuring out how to make it right or wanting to make it right........So we cover our arses and sign contracts. Gone are the days where anyone trusts the word of somebody else. No more handshakes or for that matter trust. It's a shame.....

Call me a romantic at heart but i still take people on their word. If someone says they are going to do something, they do it. A handshake is as good to me as the paper that a contract is written on.

I like this Gary Dodd poem Integrity;

Integrity is standing up for what you believe in.
It is treating everyone equally and fairly, acting independent of others that do otherwise.
It is being open and honest, responsible for all of your actions.
It is speaking out when others are treated poorly.
It is refusing to participate in actions detrimental to others.
It is admitting and apologising for your errors, when mistakes are made.
It is respecting your environment, your fellow humans and your self.
Integrity is not a characteristic, it is a way of life.
It is what you do, and what you say, always.
It sets you apart from others, it defines you as a person.
Treat others as you would want to be treated. 

Be upstanding, be forthright, be conscious of all your actions.
Remember to always act with integrity.


Act always with integrity but also remember to stand up for your beliefs and yourself......









Friday, 20 February 2015

Decisions

Should one bad decision define the rest of your life?

There is no simple answer to this question. Some people may say it depends on what has been done, others speak of the ability of a person to change.......

Look at the Bali 9 - nine Aussies arrested in 2005 in Denpasar, Indonesia for planning to smuggle 8.3 kg of heroin from Indonesia to Australia. As Andrew Chan and Myuran Sukumaran await their final fate I think about the power of change and rehabilitation. These men have changed their lives for the good and now help and mentor other people in life. But there is a flip side...What would have happened if the drugs they were smuggling would have made it to Australia? Each year over 100 people die from Heroin over dosage. That person is the son, daughter, father, mother, sister or brother of someone.....

There is much debate over it all, and in all honesty I sit on the fence with this one. I think that you have weigh up each situation on its merits. I think each day we are tested in one way, shape or form and we have to make the best decision at the time as they may have an impact on us later on in life. Above all else I think that you some decisions you live to regret whilst others which you initially think are bad may just turn out for the best......

In the last few weeks, I have found myself wanting to quit a number of times. And by quit I mean give up on the process of going through my mum's estate and I have also contemplated not going back to finish my residency. Then I came across this in my Mum's papers.....


When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high, 
And you want to smile, but have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a fellow turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out. 
Don't give up though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man;
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down, 
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out-
The silver tint in the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It might be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

Every decision you make has a consequence. Be it good or bad, it should not define who you are for the rest of your life. If it is a bad decision recognise it, make a conscious decision to not let it happen again, and move on. Who knows a bad decision may be the best decision that you ever made......

Theodore Roosevelt once wrote:

"In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing"

Thursday, 1 January 2015

Passing

God took a beautiful human being into his hands today and an angel got her wings. In the end she passed away as she lived, quietly, with dignity and with her son by her side.
Rest in peace. 

Although you are gone you will never be far from me and will always be in my heart.

Vivian Rita Walton

9th August 1940 - 2nd January 2015

I'll leave with her favourite poem by W. H. Auden:

Stop all the clocks, cut of the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a big juicy bone,
Silence the pianos with muffled drum,
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policeman wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East, my West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.