Giving of yourself

I have always been one of those people to give of myself. Sometimes way too much..... By giving of myself I found a place of contentment in my life and I think I am truly a richer person for it. Gandhi once said "To find yourself, lose yourself in the service of others".

I have been asked, why I give so much of myself ? In all honesty there is no answer as to why, apart from it is what I grew up with and what was instilled in me when I was young. I have been rewarded in my life by giving and being considerate of others. It's allowed me to see the big picture. My worries and challenges don't seem to be as significant when compared to others and what they may have gone through or be going through.

I don't expect anything tangible in return. What I do expect is the consideration that I gave to be reciprocated. It does not need to be much; A kind word, a thank you, just the little things you know.

Winston Churchill once wrote "We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give" 

The past

Several years ago I posted this. Recently I found myself reading this again. I still believe it more than ever, no matter the failures or obstacles.....

Relationships are something that need to be worked at in life. I've learnt that over time. It takes time and patience and above all else a sense a respect for the other person. Last year I read an article that made me stop and take notice.

It struck a chord with me because I believed everything that was described in the article. I adapted it to a relationship that I was in at the time because it is something that I truly believe.

We all yearn for the ideal partner, that person that makes your heart skip a beat or who you become acutely aware of as they enter a room..........

Read it and see what you think......

1. I’ll buy you things, but won’t try to buy you. Money can’t fix mistakes. Forgiveness can’t be bought. I believe money to be a tool, a bridge between where we are and where we can go in life; not a tool to pay for someone’s love, time, or affection. Without someone to share it with, nothing is worth a dime. I’ll try every day to earn what must be earned, not paid for.

2. Expect flowers. You’ll mention your favourite flower once and not even realize that I’ll remember it forever. Just know I’ll never see them as an adequate substitute for an apology, a replacement for treating you well, or a right to a previous wrong.

3. I’ll listen. Even when you’re being difficult, stubborn, and complicated.

4. I’ll remember. Your likes, so I can get close to them. Your dislikes, so I can avoid them. What your first Halloween costume was, so I can remind you how cute you looked. Where you’ve been, so I can be thankful for where you are. Where you want to go, so I can be inspired to go there with you. What your biggest dreams are, so I can do whatever I can to push you towards them. Where our first date was, so we can go back.

5. Thanks. By the time I get to you, I’ll have been hurt several times over. Thanks for letting me get to you, because in the end I’ll be getting into you only because you got to me first. You’re different in the best way possible.

6. Your value is not found in me. I have nothing to do with your value as a person, and you’ll know that. I’ll do my best to encourage and support the things that make you who you are, but the reason you have value is that you’re you. That’s truer than true.

7. You be my soft and sweet. I’ll be your strong and steady. Fill the holes left by my checkered past. Be the wine to my whiskey. The person you are will reflect the person I want to be, and together that’s just a whole big bunch of awesomeness. The world ain’t ready.

8. Never let me become normal. I was once told by someone very smart that I should be intimidated by the fear of being average. To this day, I am. You’re anything but normal, so expect the same from me.

9. You’ll never not be enough. I’ll give up time with my friends for more memories with you.

10. I’ll need a few hundred second chances, but hopefully no third ones. Mistakes stop being mistakes when they become matters of conscious decision. Never put up with me being foolish enough to be reckless with your emotions many times over.

11. It doesn’t matter what, where or when. It only matters who. Nights spent dressed up downtown when we’re 25 will be just as fun as staying home and doing the dishes together before watching a movie when we’re 30. Times change the people and the passion remain the same.

12. I’ll always remember our first date. I’ll never forget what you wore, what we did, what we talked about, or the feeling I had when I saw you walking my way. The way I tried not to let you catch my stare into your eyes will always resonate, and the tiny little thought that was so amazing was that those eyes were looking right back at me.

13. Everybody has a past. I won’t be the first guy you’ve dated, but I hope to be the last. I won’t bring your past hurt into our relationship. I won’t worry about where you’ve been, only where you are. It’s all about where we’re going.

14. I’ll date you forever. Dating isn’t merely a process before marriage. It continues afterwards. Easier said than done, but it’ll always be a priority for me to make you feel prioritized. Even if it means sacrificing time I could have solo with my friends, it’s always better when we’re together.

15. Hope you don’t get seasick. Time will be made for vacations whenever possible, whether it’s on a cruise for a week far from home, a couple of days in a cabin, or a date day nearby. I’ll never regret interrupting normal life to get away with you.

16. I’ll take the good stuff. No, that won’t be a tall one after work. It won’t be shots of Patron to numb a bad day, a fight, or a speed bump in the road of our marriage. I won’t be able to find the good stuff at the corner bar. It’ll be coming back to you, working it out, and moving on. The love I’ll have for you is stronger than the whiskey.

17. Take your time coming home. Take the long way around. If there’s ever a time when you’re tired of the view from the same window, a time when you feel the need to go find yourself, go. Go write your name in new sand and put your feet into new water. I’ll be here. I want to hold you, but I don’t want to hold you back.

18. Nothing safe is worth the drive. I know we’ve got bills to pay, and nothing figured out just yet. But let’s never forget to be spontaneous along the way. Teach me how to take more risks and live with more abandon for borders and guidelines. Let’s do things all the time that scare the living hell out of us and make our own new rules.

19. I’ve been waiting for you. I’ve hoped to become and be the person you’re looking for, and hoped my eyes would be shaped to hold you higher than the rest. You won’t be without your quirks, but I’ll love them endlessly. You’ve got that one thing that I’ll never be able to describe. All that you are is all that I’ll ever need.

So, alas, all that’s left is to meet you. Maybe I already have. Maybe when I do I’ll know immediately, or maybe the signs will come subtly along the way. All I have left to say is I’m glad you exist, because sooner or later, you’re going to be the best thing that has ever been mine.

I’ll leave you with this, “Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain.”

I have no expectations in life, no ulterior motives, I can’t and don’t play games. I leave that to smarter people than me.
Some people wait there entire lives to find someone. The wait is worth it I think..........

Be wild, be weird, be obtuse, be an introvert, be normal...But above all be yourself!!

Now this is a topic. Conforming as defined by almost any reference as "the act of matching attitudes, beliefs and behaviours to what individuals perceive is normal to their society or social group. The influence of small groups and/or society as a whole may result from subtle unconscious influences, or direct and/or overt social pressure."

I almost vomited at this.....My question is, why conform? Be yourself. Who's to say the real norm is not a guy with a Mohawk, who is a vegetarian, and has a cat named Elvis. 

As a kid you are taught that grades are important. You go to school and strive to be a good student by getting excellent grades, so that you can go to university and train to become a doctor or lawyer. Then you become one of the many. You get a job, a wife, a house and mortgage and have kids and a dog named spot.....Well that sounds great....although not quite right for me....It doesn't finish there. Then you age. You continue to work, your kids grow and you encourage the process to repeat itself again.

If people are happy doing that, then I say "go for it". It's an honest living and something that we have been conditioned to. But what if you're not happy doing this? What if you want to work with your hands, write a book, become an artist or better still a vet....? The truth is, you should do what makes you feel good and do something that you truly love. So does it mean you are not successful if you don't conform to the norm?

That brings me to my story. My mum saw it very early on in my life. She knew I would not be conventional and I would not conform. She watched me and encouraged me without hesitation. She watched from the bleachers as I dare dream to become a vet and then watched as I became a vet. 

What was her role? When I had self doubt she was my rock. A little known fact, is that when I was young I really struggled with grammar and English. Every night, she would sit down and wait for me to read chapters of books to her. She was patient and committed to my dream. It was her dedication, belief and support that got me through the self doubt. The day that university offers came out for vet school was her proudest day. I still remember waking up with my mum running through the house shouting at the top of her lungs "He's in, he's bloody in, he's done it". I was 23, had just finished my agriculture degree. It meant the world to her because it meant the world to me.....

Now I have not been conventional by any means nor have I conformed to "the norm". I was at university until my late 20's. After that I was a large animal veterinarian, an emergency veterinarian, a greyhound veterinarian, a relief veterinarian, a practice manager, and finally an internal medicine specialist.  

The idea of being romantic about a non conforming career or just anything is something that I would encourage anyone to do. I've struggled with all of the usual things; people telling me that i couldn't and shouldn't do it, of course that old time good one, money, and worried when work was not coming in. I've borrowed from my retirement to make ends meet and I've lived on packet noodles. Perhaps the better question to ask is "Would you do it again?" Absolutely, without hesitation.....

So the next time you do something, ask yourself;"Am I doing this because I want to, or because it's what is expected of me?" In all honesty I would never want to take the chance that I would be unhappy. We get one shot at this thing called "life". So why worry about what others think. Don't waste the time in a job that doesn't make you happy and don't put your life on hold until you retire. You may not even make it to retirement...... Live your dreams, travel, love, explore, live. Retell stories of your triumphs, adversities, loss and success because these are the things that make you unique. These are the things that make you, you. Live the life that you would love to write about and fall in lover with all over again if you had a second chance at doing it all over again.

"Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They are not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do" Rob Siltanen 

The roving life

One of the questions I have always been asked is why I never really settled down or settled?

It's difficult to explain. For me, I have always been fascinated by different cultures, meeting new people and learning new languages. I consider myself to be a partime rover as I have tended to stay in places longer than most roving people do. So why the fascination.....?

Well for one thing, you have more than one home. Establishing new relationships and lifelong friendships means you will always be welcome at the table when passing through and no one judges you; they just accept who you are.

Life also has a special rhythm. For most life is linked by holidays and special times of the year. Life events when roving are measured by the phase of our life or an event that we go through be it good or bad. It's kind of refreshing to have this in your life because all of your life events are linked by the unique country that you are in.

Everyone has heard "the world is your oyster". Well literally this rings true for people that rove. Your horizons widen. Places that you were taught about and read about as a child or teen become real. The wonders of the world become a thing that you experience rather than a thing that you read about or watch on TV. There is something romantic about this which always draws me to it. But more than that, it makes me more accepting in life and the challenges of life.

Finally, I feel lucky and blessed. Not everyone can do what I have done. Nor does everyone want to do what I have done. There is some sacrifice. I don't have a 'normal life'. I don't have the white picket fence, the dog named spot or the 2.5 (or is it 3.5 children) these days.....Sometimes I am envious of those who have that life but then I remember I could never settle down as there is something ingrained in me that makes me want this type of life......

Katherine Anne Porter once wrote "I was always restless, always a roving spirit. When I was a little child I was always running away. I never got very far, but they were always having to come and fetch me. Once when I was about six, my father came to get me somewhere I'd gone and he told me later he'd asked me, "Why are you so restless? Why can't you stay with us?" and I said to him, I want to go and see the world. I want to know the world like the palm of my hand."   

One life

We sometimes forget that we have one life. It's not a dress rehearsal and there is no do over.....When I was younger I concentrated so much on my career and career advancement that I forgot the little things. I forgot to take some time to just breathe, relax and take life as it comes...Time, experience and life events in general have made me see the bigger picture and the need and want for change. These days I take the time and what's more I want to take the time. I don't feel guilty about this now.....I have realised that the job will always be there and no amount of work will ever replace life experiences. Yesterday was my 46th birthday. It was unceremonious and just a day, not good or bad. My hope is that future birthdays will be all that I want them to be......but only I can be responsible for this....

Abraham Lincoln once wrote "In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." 

The Life & Times

Growth is something in life that never stops and personal growth is important. But the more you grow the more you realize how much I don't and didn't know and how much I can still learn. So how do you continue to grow. Now there is no right answer about how to better yourself because for everyone the answer is different. Some seek to better themselves through knowledge, some by learning a language or taking up a new hobby, some by exercising and some challenge themselves and take themselves out of their comfort zone.

For me I have done all of these....Several years ago I moved half way across the world. I left an established life behind to challenge myself in unfamiliar surrounds. It was one of the hardest things I did mainly because it was essentially starting again. Eight years later and I am established again. I am content in life both professionally and personally. But what about the growth......Well you are reading one of the ways that I continue to grow.........

Nelson Mandela once wrote:

 "There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered"

An Interns life...

Eleven months ago 8 kids came into my life that have made me smile, cry, be frustrated and finally above all else be very proud. They are my interns.....

As interns they are paid a poor wage, asked to work long hours, do all the jobs no one else wants to do in the promise that at the end of 12 months they may attain a residency in their chosen specialty. Now I never did one of these internships nor would I ever want to do one. In the year just gone I have watched them grow and mature into not just the vets that they should be but into the people I know them already to be.

As the year comes to an end my only hope for them is their continued success and growth as adults and even though it's been at times tough on both parties I wouldn't have traded this experience for anything in the world....

To them I wish them all the best in their travels with my favorite Irish blessing....

"May the road rise up to meet you.

May the wind always be at your back.

May the sun shine warm upon your face,

and rains fall soft upon your fiends.

And until we meet again, 

May god hold you in the palm of his hand."

I was once told that there is no one soul mate for anyone......There are many soulmates and you just happen by them in life.....

Now I may not be a smart man. Nor have I been lucky enough to experience what most of my friends have, to find their one true someone.... However, I still do believe. I believe that there is one person out there and that is your soulmate in life.....Now that may be naive and I accept that, but in a day and an age where there is so much negativity and there is so much unrest in the rest of the world I think that sometimes having faith in something is worthwhile. I choose to believe that there is a soulmate for each of us in life. Some people have been fortunate enough to find that person to walk in life with while others of us continue to search.......Just the thoughts of a madman.....

"My heart shoots into my throat every time I think about his loping walk, or catch sight of some floppy brown hair on a boy - but it's never him, and each time it isn't, my heart does a reverse trajectory down into the very pit of my stomach" 

Author unknown.

Settling

Three summers, 2 hurricanes and numerous explanations about my accent and country of origin, I feel that Florida is now my home. For a long time, I travelled, settled down and then became restless again. I would stay for a few months or years in a single place and then the bug would hit me again. Now, this is great when you are young and the world and adventures are calling you but as you get older you wish for stability or just a place to hang your hat.

Florida for me has a draw. It's old world southern charm and traditions are what I have grown to love. The people I have met here are some of the most genuine that I have met in all of my travels. I have some special places in the world that I have lived and visited that will always pull at my heart strings.

In truth, I don't think that I will ever get the travel bug out of my system but I want to set roots down, make connections and find lost connections again. Above all else I think it's important to enjoy life and make the best out of it. There is no point in looking back at what could have been......

Anthony Hopkins one of my favorite actors once said:

 "None of us are getting out of here alive, so please stop treating yourself like an afterthought. Eat the delicious food, Walk in the sunshine. Jump in the ocean. Say the truth that you're carrying in your heart like a hidden treasure. Be silly. Be Kind. Be weird. There's no time for anything else"

20/20 Hindsight

Everyone has heard the saying that "hindsight is 20/20" and it is very easy to know the right thing to do after something has happened. However, we are all human, and what I have learned is that hindsight provides us with the opportunity to learn from our mistakes and better ourselves in the hope we do not repeat the same mistakes. Everyone has made their fair share of regrettable decisions in life and I will, as always, continue to be a work in progress. For the most part I am pretty happy with who I am in life.

Self reflection is important, but it is also important not to dwell on the past because we are unable to change the past. Knowing why you made previous decisions and the motivations for these decisions is just as important as the action itself.....

Looking back is not a waste of time, but looking back and wishing things were different is, as you cannot change the past. Absorb it, catalog it - whatever - just make the most out of what you have now and try not to make the same mistakes in life over and over again..... 

"You can't go back and change the beginning but you can start where you are and change the ending" 

C. S. Lewis

Remembrance

Memorial Day is a "remembrance day" of all the men and women that went to war and sacrificed, sometimes their lives, in the search of peace and freedom. It stems back as far as 1866 to Waterloo, New York, where it was first celebrated.

So what does this really mean? Well for the most part every freedom that we take for granted these days stems from the historical sacrifices made. We sometimes forget, in life, the sacrifices that have been made so that we can enjoy our freedoms. These more often than not are taken too much for granted. This weekend as you enjoy these freedoms "please" remember the fallen, if only for a brief minute.... Remember the sacrifices that they have made.

President Reagan once spoke the words "Today is the day we put aside to remember fallen heroes and to pray that no heroes will ever have to die for us again. It's a day of thanks for the valor of others, a day to remember the spledor of America and those of her children who rest in this cemetary and others. It's a day to be with the family and remember." 

Worklife balance and controlling the tide

Balance is important in life. If one aspect is out of kilter in life more than likely it will affect all other aspects.

Veterinary medicine, for me, is a career one that I am quite proud of as I get to work with some of the kindest and most compassionate human beings, where the monetary return does not reflect the dedication of the professionals that constantly give it their all day in and day out. But that is just one aspect to my life.....

I also love to travel, do photography, go out with friends to eat.....Over time my priorities have changed. Initially it was all about the work. It was like I was addicted. Hooked on a drug that I got a high out of.

Over time and twenty years later, the high, although still there, has competition....Personal focus is important "working to live and not living to work" is important. I find myself wanting to travel more, spend time with loved ones and take the time to just be me. Don't get me wrong, I still love what I do and that will never change but if someone gives me an opportunity to travel and have a new adventure I'm packing my bag straight away.

My point is don't let the demands of a profession dictate be who you are. Balance your life with taking the time to smell the roses whether it's by yourself or with a loved one/ones.....

"The more often you decline invitations to spend with friends or family because you are too busy with either work or other activities, the more you realize that your life is not in balance."