I never minded the little things

 I'm not sure how to start this post. I think it's best to say that I have been through a lot this year. Just over a year ago I met someone. She said everything right and did everything right. I should have known then it was not true. Over time things changed. I was gaslit, I was not heard and I was definately not prioritized. I was also blamed and had the truth turned back on me. I felt that I could not speak up because when I would speak up the person that I thought was my soulmate would turn things back on me and make me out to be the bad person. 

Now, I am not perfect by any means. I wish I was. I have made mistakes over time and most probably will make a lot more. However, I do feel that I am a good person who is attentive and I like if I can to accomodate everyone that I can. I am a people pleaser. So, when I met this person I thought we worked well. But when things started to change I felt a shift. I began to lose myself. I began to withdraw and also lost my self confidence. My body felt like I had been put through a marathon each day. It was not good. Right now as I sit and write this my body is still tense. Why i titled this "I never minded the little things" was that there was things that I could and did overlook. I think that this is what you do when you are love with someone. However, when you are not listened to or heard and when you are dismissed or when your boundaries get walked over that is when you must pay attention to what your body is saying to you and what your subconscience is begging you to do. In the end I had to leave. Survival kicked in and I made a judgement call. I have second guessed myself a lot when it came to this decision but in the end I know it was the right decision. Because you see when you are not respected then how can you ever respect yourself. We bargain about not minding the little things but if you don't mind the little things then what happens when the big things present. In the end the sum of the little things made it one big thing which is why i decided to protect and look after me.........