Sunday, 30 November 2014

Inheritance

I always remember when my father first became ill. I watched this highly intelligent man begin to slur his words and take time not only to process but to respond to the simplest things. You watch that pattern again and again and it's hard not to break a little inside.

I have been blessed throughout my life to have the love and support of good family and friends. I am essentially a very private person and will keep most people at arms length. I found solitude several years ago beginning to write and then continuing this blog. I have found the words that I am not able to verbally communicate come easier to me when I write. Sure, my English and punctuation are poor, I realise that, but that's not what this is about....... For me it's about organising thoughts feelings, beliefs and experiences. I am not brave because I write like this, just honest with regards to my thoughts and feelings.........

I am essentially watching the same downward spiral with my mum. All she can think about is making sure that I am looked after when she passes and that I will not have the chaos to get my head around like I did when my father passed. All I can think about is that I hope she is not suffering and that when her time does come, god takes her into the palm of his hand..........

Even though she is going through all of this she has a great sense of humour and the calm of acceptance about her. I've said this before about the era that she came from, but, I truly remark at their resilience, acceptance and understanding of the hand that they have been dealt. Over the years I have gained some understanding of it and have adapted this into my life. This is something that I am truly grateful for that my parents passed on to me..............

Mother Teresa once wrote; 

" At the end of life we will not be judged by how many diplomas we have received, how much money we have made, how many great things we have done. We will be judged by 'I was homeless and you gave me to eat, I was naked and you clothed me, I was homeless and you took me in.' Hungry not only for bread - but hungry for love. Naked not only for clothing - but naked for human dignity and respect. Homeless not only for want of a room of bricks - but homeless because of rejection."





Saturday, 29 November 2014

Love and Loss

I always remember the first Christmas after my father had passed away. Eleanor and I were in Queensland. I remember that I had an overwhelming sense of loss and abandonment.

This year it will be different. This will be my mothers last Christmas. I don't know what's worse losing someone and not having them spending it with you or knowing that this is their last Christmas and that there will be no more......

It's strange, what, why and how you think about that scenario. On the one hand I really want this to be a peaceful time but on the other I dread the thought of one final Christmas, because there will be no more.

That's it. For 41 years I have had this person around for 41 Christmas's but there will be no more.

What I say to people at this time of year is this. Cherish your family and friends because you don't know whether there will be another Christmas.........

My mum through her tears said this to me the other day " I'm not going to heaven...I'll always be with you and always have been......."

Carrie Latet once wrote;

"Ever felt an angel's breath in the gentle breeze? A teardrop in the falling rain? Hear a whisper amongst the rustle of leaves? Or been kissed by a lone snowflake? Nature is an angel's favourite hiding place."


Wednesday, 26 November 2014

Nurses

Nurses especially palliative and oncology nurses have the toughest job in the world. They are a care giver, first and foremost, councillor, patients advocate, friend and cleaner. It takes a special person to be able to do this job. I know because I grew up with one. They have to be stern when needed, compassionate when called for, level headed at all times and above all else maintain a sense of humor.

Case and point, I listened as my mother told me a story yesterday. She had a terrible night and had not slept well. She had oxygen bubbling through nasal prongs and her IV pulsing as she told the story. It was about a man 2 doors down, who had been disoriented and verbally abusive with the nurses all night. He had been unable to settle and clearly had no idea about where he was or what he was doing.

He appeared at the nurses station at 5:30 am and handed the nurse his daily menu. The nurse politely accepted the menu for the day and then directly looking at the man said "I think we should get back to bed as your missing something". He looked down, and of course he was bottomless and was sharing with the world what he had been born with. The man without missing a beat and without changing his facial expression said "Yeah, I know but I figured at this time in the morning no one would care". The nurse replied " Well it's not a good time to do that". His response "Well when is a good time". Hers, without any change in expression "After 4 pm this afternoon". 

Now that may just be an Aussie thing, the sense of humor I mean, but he went wholly and solely back to his room chortling away.........

God bless all nurses......

I thought this quote seemed appropriate

"I am only one; but still 
I AM ONE.
I cannot do everything;
but still I can do something. AND
I will not refuse to do something that
I CAN DO."
E.E. Hale

Monday, 24 November 2014

In the blink of an eye

And so that's it. When a diagnosis of cancer is made you hope and pray for that miracle. Doctors make promises and lead you on with that glimmer of hope. Then finally biology and the stink of cancer intervenes and takes all those promises and hopes of a miracle away. It's funny that with all our technology that we need to actually visualize to fully understand what an insidious thing cancer can be.........

6 months, I think not..........

Imagine there's no cancer,
It's easy if you try,
No pain or suffering,
Or waiting just to die.

Imagine all the people,
Living worry free,
Without that ticking time-bomb,
That no one else can see.

You may say I'm a dreamer,
But I'm not the only one,
That hopes the world will be cancer free,
So we can live as one.

Thursday, 20 November 2014

Thanks

Well, to say that this has been a roller-coaster ride in the last few weeks is an understatement. What hits home is what a great mate and colleague of mine said when my father was so ill. "There will be a bunch of people that pretend they care but do nothing, and then there will be a bunch of people that not only will care, but will support you through this whole ordeal. That's the people that count in your life and are your true friends. My utmost thanks go to my family at LSU. You know I'm not one for emotion and I keep things to myself alot of the time but "THANK YOU". To the graduating class of 2015 thank-you for being a great bunch of students, colleagues and above all else friends. Remember to "Do what you love and love what you do" and follow your instincts. To my mentors, a big "THANK YOU". Not only for your support but for your faith in me and for giving me the opportunity to finish what I started. Words cannot express my gratitude to you all.

I love this quote:

" Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see"

and one final quote

"Something that has always puzzled me all my life is why, when I am in special need of help, the good deed is usually done by somebody on whom I have no claim." 

William Feather

Friday, 7 November 2014

6 months

It seems like a long time but blink and you'll miss it. Yesterday I learnt that. My mum was 42 when she lost her mother. I'll be the same......My parents came from an era that they are and have always been protective of their children. They have, for want of a better phrase, a soldier on mentality. The world could be ending and they would still carry on and put on a brave face........

I guess for me my mother has been my mentor, protector and a person that has sacrificed allot of her wants and needs for her kids. She has given me unconditional love at times while I have tested her patience. She has equipped me with the skills and knowledge to function as a normal person.....

6 months is not a long time.......But that's all I have with her. We'll make the most of it.......I promise.

Friday, 31 October 2014

Mothers

One of the problems with living overseas is that when something happens to loved ones you feel isolated. 8 000 miles might as well be the moon. I experienced that today when I got a phone call from home.

I knew as soon as i saw the mobile phone number that something was wrong. Call it a "spidey sense" or just plain intuition but there it was......

Mothers are the toughest of the tough. The world could be ending but they still manage to stay strong and be matter of fact about everything. Mine has been that way my entire life and still remains so to this day. She was ever so casual when I was talking with her that she had been admitted to hospital. Even more casual that she had an oroesophogastrocopy and biopsy and blase about the fact that she was having a CT for the suspect pulmonary thromboembolism.......

I think the one day of the year that we celebrate mothers is just not enough. Her response to me when I asked if there was anything that I could do"It is what it is. I can't change what has happened and the diagnosis will be what it is and we'll deal with it the same way we deal with everything else. One step at a time"

She has always been this way and always will.
Love you mum........

Rudyard Kipling once wrote


"God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers" 

Tuesday, 14 October 2014

Reflections

In the past few days I've read some of my old entries......Apart from bad grammar which I do apologise for, I have both smiled and shed a tear or two at some of the posts.

I started this in 2011 because I wanted in part to write, because let's face it everyone's got a story, but it was also to help me to heal....... Nowadays i write to share some of my experience, to vent, and to impart some of my beliefs.

I can honestly say that the writing makes me whole. I get that I'm not ever going write a great novel but I love being able to articulate my thoughts and feelings. And they have changed over time.

Several years ago I said that marriage and children were probably not ever going to be on my radar. In the last few years that has changed. I have watched my mates and for that matter even my family create precious life. And I have watched them mature, watched their focus and energy change. To transition from career orientation to be now family protective and focused........

Now don't get me wrong, I still love what I do, but I think to be able to just take some time for your friends, family and loved ones is really important in a day and age where we get so caught up in the every day rat race that is life.........

And don't worry, this is not my mid life crisis.......I sometimes just think it's really important to take some time to reflect and think what's important...........

I think to find a companion to journey through life with is important. And to take time for family and friends is even more important. For me, I am an as always an eternal optimist with regards to my future, although I do have a macabre sense of humour when it comes down to it. I don't know what life holds for me in the future but I'm sure it's going to be an adventure............

 “Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain.”


Friday, 10 October 2014

Clarity

I've had a ball at home yet it has been a very difficult time. The realisation that life has gone since I left has been difficult.....

Also driving on the left side of the road again has been a challenge. I have found myself when taking off having to swerve to the correct side of the road again.....In all honesty it's a little bit like life.

Sometimes we lose our way. Sometimes the trees get in the way and the path becomes obscured by things and situations that are meaningless to long-term happiness.....

Coming home again has given me clarity......Somewhere along the way I lost the "why" and the "what for" that I have been doing it all for and why I started doing the residency. I let myself be weighed down by a situation that in all honesty is meaningless........

I have, for right or wrong reasons, let my judgement be clouded and lost for want of better words my "bravado" and "independence" to say "No I won't accept that situation and if you don't like it then that is your problem in life not mine".....Instead I have surrendered and been prostrate to the situation........

You know, my parents raised me better than that. Since being at home and talking with friends and family I have found that I am still the person that I use to be.........

I love this quote:

"Renew, release, let go. Yesterday's gone. There's nothing you can do to bring it back. You can't "should've" done something. You can only DO something. Renew yourself. Release that attachment. Today is a new day!"


Steve Maraboldi

Friday, 3 October 2014

Home sweet Home

I forgot how much I had missed this place. Getting off the plane after 16 hours gave me butterflies.

And hearing familiar Aussie accents on the plane and on arrival was spectacular. It was like meeting a long lost friend and picking up where you left off.

Even thou I was tired on arrival, the 2 hour drive home felt like it was all of five minutes. Small talk has never been my strong point, but I actually enjoyed not hearing about vet med, and talking crap about politics, the weather and the almighty footy grand final this weekend.

I mean who'd have thought, the last time Souths made a grand final was before I was born, in 1971, but here they are playing Canterbury this weekend.......

The almighty meat pie and sausage roll were first on the list......I must say it has been and was worth the wait. Then phone calls to some mates. Again, worth the wait especially as we picked up where we left off.

But above all else it was home. It was the little things that I have missed. The walk to the shopping center and grocery shopping.

Everything seems so insignificant now that I am home........

Bryce Courtney(my favorite author) once wrote:

"I have found in life that everything, no matter how bad, comes to an end."

Monday, 29 September 2014

Travelling home

Today is a great day to travel!! Sure it's going to be a long trip but at the end of it is home -- Australia. It's been 2 and a half years and I have missed it alot.

Here's hoping the beer does not have strawberries or bananas and Fosters is not mentioned at every opportunity or the bloomin onion or outback restaurant.

Here's to hoping that the statement you wouldn't understand because your foreign is not mentioned again......

Whereas these are all said tongue in cheek, if they are mentioned every day it grinds on you after a while so much so that you revert back into your shell just so that you don't have to hear it anymore.

I miss the landscape and weather of home. So here's to hoping the weather is great......

I've missed my friends and being able to call......

And I've missed the opportunity to just be a normal human being who doesn't have time lines or deadlines........

Joanne Harris once wrote:

"I let it go. It's like swimming against the current. It exhausts you. After a while, whoever you are, you just have to let go, and the river brings you home."

Wednesday, 24 September 2014

Bittersweet

Today is really bittersweet for me.....At school we had phi zeta which is a research day held at LSU each year. This year a decision was made to present three posters on my research. My projects came to fruition today and we collected 2nd prize for therapeutic plasma exchange. We entered just to participate and came away with a win. This has been a project that has consumed me for the last year. When I collected the initial data I would spend most of my weekends and weeknights doing therapeutic plasma exchange on patients and blood samples.
Now you say, what's the significance? Why bitter sweet ? Well I guess it's because it's been a labor of love and now I hate to leave it all behind........

I really love this quote and it really typifies how I have felt my entire career with regards to veterinary medicine:
"He who works with his hands is a laborer.
He who works with his hands and his head is a craftsman.
He who works with his hands and his head and his heart is an artist."

Francis of Assisi

Sunday, 21 September 2014

First day.....

I will always remember my first job as a vet. To say it was a disaster is an understatement. I remember it so well because it was at that time my father was diagnosed with melanoma.

I started in February after some down time from university. Eleanor and I had decided to do the long distance thing and I was moving to a town of 3000 people which had 2 pubs and one supermarket.

It was mixed animal which, I thought at the time, was my dream job.

My first large animal call was with a recent graduate. He rolled in to work at 900 after a weekend in Sydney. He was hungover and looked like crap.

We got the call at 930 and Shannon and I headed out to look at a horse which was lame. Once there Shannon decided that he was so hung over that he needed a hangover helper. He proceeded to take a bottle of Finadyne and put a drop into his orange juice guaranteeing me that this would either cure him or kill him. It did neither.

So this was veterinary medicine,

The rest of the day was fairly unremarkable except for the last call of the day. A euthanasia that I had to do. It was a cat with a squamous cell carcinoma of the face. He had stopped eating and his mum had struggled with the decision to euthanize him. The only thing that came to mind at that time was James Herriot:

"The dog did not move as the needle was inserted, and, as the barbiturate began to flow into the vein, the anxious expression left his face and the muscles began to relax. By the time the injection was finished, the breathing has stopped."

Now before anyone comments I know it was a cat.........



Friday, 19 September 2014

Life

I am always in bewildered awe of new life coming into the world. The thought that we can bring such a precious entity into the world and that these babies grow, and with our love and attention become people, that not only look up to and respect us, but also grow into people that we love respect and admire is amazing. 
Today marks a very special day for me. I became an uncle for the third time. My sister gave birth in the wee hours this morning to a very special little girl Kiara Elena weighing 2816 G. She is just 46 cm long. 


To my darling new niece. I'm sorry I can't be there to greet you in person. All I have to offer is this Irish blessing. 

May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back. 
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
 The rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
 May god hold you in the palm of his hand.

May god be with you and bless you,
May you see your children's children
May you be poor in misfortune,
Rich in blessings, 
May you know nothing but happiness
From this day forward.

May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back.
May the rays of the sun fall upon your home,
And may the hand of a friend always be near.

May green be the grass you walk on,
May blue be the skies above you, 
May pure be the joys that surround you,
May true be the hearts that love you.

Sunday, 14 September 2014

The trip

So looking back on the last 2 years I've seen that i have not shared alot of what I've seen or even experienced over here. Whereas there are very few photos I have alot of great memories of some of the places I've been and the great food that I've tried.
Although I have to say I've missed home, meat pies sausage rolls and of course the lamb roast. There is such a dichotomy between here and home. So here are a few of the things that I have seen and thoroughly loved doing since I've been here.....








 I know it's not much but unfortunately the loss of my camera since I've been over here and some other unfortunate circumstances have left me with these few images but also with unforgettable memories............

Oscar Wilde once wrote:
" Memory is the diary we all carry about with us"


Friday, 12 September 2014

Homeward bound

Well, it's 2 weeks until I go home. I have loved some of the comments I have received since I announced that I was coming home. "It's so far. I just couldn't do that"......Always a little interesting.......

Most people always have shown an interest in Oz especially when they heard the accent. Usually there are a gamete of questions like "Why Baton rouge? Why America ? Your country is beautiful. Why would you ever want to come here?? Etcetcetc.

In truth this has been for the most part a great experience. I have truly enjoyed my time here. The south has a charm to it that I can't quite explain or for that matter put my finger on. Something about old school manners and the ma'am and sir when addressing you elders that just appeals.

I have essentially missed home. I'm looking forward to catching up with friends especially when I get back.....Of course when catching up with people it has to be accompanied with good wine, beer, food and coffee. Okay, so I'm not much on coffee alot of the time........That and the thoughts of seeing the familiar surroundings of home are making me smile a little.....

Sarah Dessen once wrote:

 "Home wasn't a set house, or a single town on a map. It was wherever the people who you loved were, whenever you were together. Not a place, but a moment, and then another, building on each other like bricks to create a solid shelter that you take with you for your entire life, wherever you may go."


Monday, 8 September 2014

Home

Home is where the heart is. Home is where we grew up, and the experiences that we've had whilst growing up. Home is full of memories, smells and feelings.

I'm coming home. Booked, signed sealed and delivered !!. At the end of September I will fly out. It's been 2 and a bit years since I left and I'm so looking forward to home.......

TS Elliot once wrote:
"Home is where one starts from"

Saturday, 6 September 2014

Strength of character

Strength of character for me defines a person. Essentially it is a sum of all the attributes, such as honesty, loyalty, integrity etc. that makes a person who they are. For me it is a measure of my self worth and has allowed me cope with setbacks when the tide has turned against me and to continue on upwards in the face of life's obstacles.

It's also allowed me, although difficult at times, to favour reason over pure emotion but at the same time has allowed me to face adversity head on and take a chance in life. It has also helped me to accept in life the things that I cannot change because they are beyond my control.

My strength has given me a voice and the ability to speak up and not let others influence or dictate decisions that I make.

Something that I continue and must continue to work at is to focus on the positives in life and spare little times for the negatives.

Finally strength of character has helped me to oppose fatalism and allowed me to recognize that I am responsible for my own destiny. Ultimately I make the decisions that either make my life better or worse because at the end of the day destiny is blind and deaf; it will neither hear nor regard us.

My final words, above all else it is important not to let anyone undermine your strength of character and also to appreciate others that have had a positive influence in  your life.

A quote from Billy Graham:

"When wealth is lost, nothing is lost; when health is lost, something is lost; when character is lost, all is lost...."

Thursday, 4 September 2014

Stuck

For me to be stuck is to be caught almost in a limbo. I have been this way for sometime now. I can't move forward and I can't move backward......

I would like to think of myself as passionate, genuine and loyal, but I have been questioned of late with regards to these qualities that I value in life. I don't believe in infidelity and I do believe in being honest with your partner........My previous relationships have been brought into question because they are over........Again, they ended for a reason.....Two people have got the right to grow apart, simple as that. The way they began, were and then ended made me who I am. And do I regret them, absolutely not. Now do I have times where I question what happened in them. Of course, everyone does........

As well, I do believe in spending quality time with the person you want to be with. Is it a crime to want to be seen in public together at functions or maybe even travel together.....?? I think not.......Sure you can look at it as an insecure person who doesn't trust the other and is wanting to spend time with them for that reason. But I prefer to think of it as spending time with and doing things with the person that you have chosen to share your life with. Personally I think if the former is the way a person is thinking then there is something seriously wrong and that is not only unhealthy but dysfunctional........Nothing is going to fix that..........

So now I'm stuck......Stuck between someone who has bought into question everything that I value and have valued and moving forward in life and continuing to address life with the values that I have held so close all my life......

Truth about it is everyone has there own set of values and moral standards in life. The way they choose to behave in life is up to them. But I want to live life without the hesitation of the would of, should of, and could of...........

I was text the other day after my last blog that I should "practice what I preach".......I think I do.........

Here's one that I thought that I would never quote: Walt Disney......

"We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths."

Tuesday, 2 September 2014

"Hell Yes"


I read this article recently that made me sit up and think.......
 
Think about this for a moment: Why would you ever choose to be with someone who is not excited to be with you?
An area of dating that has always been of a concern is that when one persons feelings are ambiguous or one person has stronger feelings than the other. It's something that is real and has the potential to cause problems in the future if not now. 
 
The law states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, they must inspire you to say “Hell Yes” in order for you to proceed with them.
The Law of “Hell Yes or No” also states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, THEY must respond with a “Hell Yes” in order for you to proceed with them.
This law implies that both parties must be enthusiastic about the prospect of one another’s company.
Why? Because attractive, non-needy, high self-worth people don’t have time for people who they are not excited to be with and who are not excited to be with them.
The tangible benefits for adopting this are that you are:
  1. No longer strung along by people who aren’t that into you. End all of the headaches. End the wishing and hoping. End the disappoint and anger that inevitably follows. Start practicing self-respect. Become the rejector, not the rejected.
  2. The consent issues are instantly resolved. If someone is playing games with you, playing hard to get, or pressuring you into doing something you’re unsure about, your answer is now easy. Or as I often like to say in regards to dating, “If you have to ask, then that’s your answer.”
  3. Establishing strong personal boundaries and enforcing them. Maintaining strong boundaries not only makes one more confident and attractive, but also helps you to preserve your sanity in the long-run.
  4. Always knowing where you stand with the other person. Since you’re now freeing up so much time and energy from people you’re not that into, and people who are not that into you, you now find yourself perpetually in interactions where people’s intentions are clear and enthusiastic.
This Law is universal. It can be applied to every aspect of your life
Jamie Paolinetti once wrote:
 "Limitations live only in our minds. But if we use our imaginations our possibilities become limitless."
 
 

Wednesday, 27 August 2014

Acceptance

Acceptance of things in life that you cannot change is a challenge. It's happened to me, in fact, at some point in time, it's happened to all of us. These days I accept that there are situations and people that I cannot change.

I've been caught in situations that I have not wanted to be in because, for one reason or another, they make you doubt the values that you have made for yourself in life. Most people have those values instilled or taught to them by their parents or role models growing up. I'm talking about everyday values like politeness, kindness, courtesy and plain old respect. They vary with all of us. I think if you have these values then you should never let a situation or for that matter a person ever compromise them.

Case in point, if I ever do settle down, I want to value the time that I have with that person. Not necessarily live in that persons pocket but enjoy new experiences or for that matter new places with them. Sure "absence makes the heart grow fonder" but I like to think like this "Spend your time on those that love you unconditionally. Don't waste time on those that only love you when the conditions are right for them"

In truth, if you do compromise, I feel that you lose a little of yourself. Likewise, if someone tries to change the inherent being and fibre of who you are, should you really want to be associated with them ?  I think to be caught in a one sided situation with someone who makes it all about them where you and your opinion don't really count, is not where I ever want to be. I value myself too much and if people cannot value me, then that is there problem. Simply put, move on and close the door on the situation and the person.

In this day and age where infinite technology exists I feel we are losing touch with the fundamental values that were taught to us or that we have grown up with that make us who we are. My advice is be true to yourself, keep your values however difficult. And at the end of the day, if someone or a situation is threatening those values, accept that you will never be able to change that person or the situation and close the door, turn the light off and walk away.....

EE Cummings once wrote...... the poem "If"

If freckles were lovely, and day was night,
And measles were nice and a lie warn't a lie,
Life would be delight,--
But things couldn't go right
For in such a sad plight
I wouldn't be I.

If earth was heaven and now was hence,
And past was present, and false was true,
There might be some sense
But I'd be in suspense
For on such a pretense
You wouldn't be you.

If fear was plucky, and globes were square,
And dirt was cleanly and tears were glee
Things would seem fair,--
Yet they'd all despair,
For if here was there
We wouldn't be we.”    

Wednesday, 20 August 2014

Love and other catastrophes

Relationships are something that need to be worked at in life. I've learnt that over time. It takes time and patience and above all else a sense a respect for the other person. Last year I read an article that made me stop and take notice.
It struck a chord with me because I believed everything that was described in the article. I adapted it to a relationship that I was in at the time because it is something that I truly believe.
We all yearn for the ideal partner, that person that makes your heart skip a beat or who you become acutely aware of as they enter a room..........
Read it and see what you think......

1. I’ll buy you things, but won’t try to buy you. Money can’t fix mistakes. Forgiveness can’t be bought. I believe money to be a tool, a bridge between where we are and where we can go in life; not a tool to pay for someone’s love, time, or affection. Without someone to share it with, nothing is worth a dime. I’ll try every day to earn what must be earned, not paid for.

2. Expect flowers. You’ll mention your favourite flower once and not even realize that I’ll remember it forever. Just know I’ll never see them as an adequate substitute for an apology, a replacement for treating you well, or a right to a previous wrong.

3. I’ll listen. Even when you’re being difficult, stubborn, and complicated.

4. I’ll remember. Your likes, so I can get close to them. Your dislikes, so I can avoid them. What your first Halloween costume was, so I can remind you how cute you looked. Where you’ve been, so I can be thankful for where you are. Where you want to go, so I can be inspired to go there with you. What your biggest dreams are, so I can do whatever I can to push you towards them. Where our first date was, so we can go back.

5. Thanks. By the time I get to you, I’ll have been hurt several times over. Thanks for letting me get to you, because in the end I’ll be getting into you only because you got to me first. You’re different in the best way possible.

6. Your value is not found in me. I have nothing to do with your value as a person, and you’ll know that. I’ll do my best to encourage and support the things that make you who you are, but the reason you have value is that you’re you. That’s truer than true.

7. You be my soft and sweet. I’ll be your strong and steady. Fill the holes left by my checkered past. Be the wine to my whiskey. The person you are will reflect the person I want to be, and together that’s just a whole big bunch of awesomeness. The world ain’t ready.

8. Never let me become normal. I was once told by someone very smart that I should be intimidated by the fear of being average. To this day, I am. You’re anything but normal, so expect the same from me.

9. You’ll never not be enough. I’ll give up time with my friends for more memories with you.

10. When I met you, I only wanted you to be happy. Even if it wasn’t with me.  The only goal from the beginning was to see you smile. This is just a bonus.

11. I’ll need a few hundred second chances, but hopefully no third ones. Mistakes stop being mistakes when they become matters of conscious decision. Never put up with me being foolish enough to be reckless with your emotions many times over.

12. It doesn’t matter what, where or when. It only matters who. Nights spent dressed up downtown when we’re 25 will be just as fun as staying home and doing the dishes together before watching a movie when we’re 30. Times change the people and the passion remain the same.

13. I’ll always remember our first date. I’ll never forget what you wore, what we did, what we talked about, or the feeling I had when I saw you walking my way. The way I tried not to let you catch my stare into your eyes will always resonate, and the tiny little thought that was so amazing was that those eyes were looking right back at me.

14. Everybody has a past. I won’t be the first guy you’ve dated, but I hope to be the last. I won’t bring your past hurt into our relationship. I won’t worry about where you’ve been, only where you are. It’s all about where we’re going.

15. I’ll date you forever. Dating isn’t merely a process before marriage. It continues afterwards. Easier said than done, but it’ll always be a priority for me to make you feel prioritized. Even if it means sacrificing time I could have solo with my friends, it’s always better when we’re together.

16. Hope you don’t get seasick. Time will be made for vacations whenever possible, whether it’s on a cruise for a week far from home, a couple of days in a cabin, or a date day nearby. I’ll never regret interrupting normal life to get away with you.

17. I’ll take the good stuff. No, that won’t be a tall one after work. It won’t be shots of Patron to numb a bad day, a fight, or a speed bump in the road of our marriage. I won’t be able to find the good stuff at the corner bar. It’ll be coming back to you, working it out, and moving on. The love I’ll have for you is stronger than the whiskey.

18. Take your time coming home. Take the long way around. If there’s ever a time when you’re tired of the view from the same window, a time when you feel the need to go find yourself, go. Go write your name in new sand and put your feet into new water. I’ll be here. I want to hold you, but I don’t want to hold you back.

19. Nothing safe is worth the drive. I know we’ve got bills to pay, and nothing figured out just yet. But let’s never forget to be spontaneous along the way. Teach me how to take more risks and live with more abandon for borders and guidelines. Let’s do things all the time that scare the living hell out of us and make our own new rules.

20. I’ve been waiting for you. I’ve hoped to become and be the person you’re looking for, and hoped my eyes would be shaped to hold you higher than the rest. You won’t be without your quirks, but I’ll love them endlessly. You’ve got that one thing that I’ll never be able to describe. All that you are is all that I’ll ever need.

So, alas, all that’s left is to meet you. Maybe I already have. Maybe when I do I’ll know immediately, or maybe the signs will come subtly along the way. All I have left to say is I’m glad you exist, because sooner or later, you’re going to be the best thing that has ever been mine.

I’ll leave you with this, “Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain.”

I have no expectations in life, no ulterior motives, I can’t and don’t play games. I leave that to smarter people than me.
Some people wait there entire lives to find someone. The wait is worth it I think..........

Sunday, 3 August 2014

Nostalgia

One of my favourite movies, and this definitely shows how old I am, is St Elmos Fire.....And my favourite scene:

"Jules, y'know, honey... this isn't real. You know what it is? It's St. Elmo's Fire. Electric flashes of light that appear in dark skies out of nowhere. Sailors would guide entire journeys by it, but the joke was on them... there was no fire. There wasn't even a St. Elmo. They made it up. They made it up because they thought they needed it to keep them going when times got tough, just like you're making up all of this. We're all going through this. It's our time at the edge. "
 
 
I guess it reminds me, that no matter what is happening in your life, especially in the tough times, we just keep going........
 
I think that I have been truly blessed with friends and family that care a lot, not just about me and my well being, but what I'm doing in my life. Sometimes I think, that I have missed the opportunity to recognise and appreciate them for this.
 
So thank-you, to all those who have been there and continue to be there.........
 
John F Kennedy once wrote:
 
"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."


Saturday, 2 August 2014

The road

I sometimes wonder what I would have done if I wasn't a veterinarian.........
Would I be the person I am today? Would I be married or would I have a family?

I can't remember a time that I didn't want to become or practice as a vet but I sometimes wonder if I would have been just as happy as a GP.............

I recall, when I first started on the road to becoming a specialist, asking several specialists who I looked up to and respected if they had their time again would they repeat it all? I was surprised at some of the answers......... Some answered outright no whilst others hesitated saying, "I might of been just as happy not going that extra mile"

Now coming to the end of my training I am asking that same question of myself "Was it all worth it?"
In truth the answer is "YES" because I regret none of the decisions that I have made as they have made me who I am both personally and professionally.

Although trying at times, I have thoroughly enjoyed my time in the states. However, now I am at a crossroads again. Do I stay or do I go back home to my country, god's country......?

On the one hand Australia is and always will be home.....On the other, staying to teach and create a life over here feels and seems to be right just now.

Steve Goodier once wrote:
“My scars remind me that I did indeed survive my deepest wounds. That in itself is an accomplishment. And they bring to mind something else, too. They remind me that the damage life has inflicted on me has, in many places, left me stronger and more resilient. What hurt me in the past has actually made me better equipped to face the present.”

Sunday, 27 July 2014

The future.....

So I'm in my final year of my residency......In 12 months I will be in a situation where I will need to make more decisions in my life.
Leo's in particular don't like change and I started this knowing that I would be out of my comfort zone. I think the transitioning to another country and then the whole starting again thing has been a huge adventure but there are times where I have longed for home and the friends, family and familiar surroundings I left.
Growing up, all we had to worry about was, what to do after school and what was going to be for tea.
Now, grown up things clutter our lives, like job security, insurance, health checks etcetcetc. A lot of the time it seems tedious and never ending.......
I guess I look on this from a different prospective. It's a new challenge. And yes although both a challenge and scary at times, with the thought of it all, I am looking forward to the next chapter........

TS Eliot once wrote:
“For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning."

Friday, 4 July 2014

Walter Mitty ???

So here's a question, Do you have the Walter Mitty Life ? I guess more to the point do you have a vivid fantasy life or are you getting out there living it ?

I look back on my life so far with a smile. I think I have lived a fairly eventful life thus far. I've been lucky enough to travel the world, have worked as a farm hand, have been lucky enough to travel and now live overseas. I've also loved and lost (that's just part of life). The best for me is the people I have met and formed friendships with along this journey (some of the most genuine people in the world).

So what hasn't been done ? Well there is still a lot of things to do........For one thing Africa and South Africa have always been a dream. And i'd love to see the colosseum, pyramid of Giza and walk the great wall, just to name a few.

But it's also the little things, to sit and watch the sun go down over the water with some great mates or to watch your kids grow knowing that you have been a part of that.........

I guess my point is that I never want to work for the rest of my life and not experience life itself. You can have both the career you desire and the life that you dream of.....Let's face it you only live once and there is no dress rehearsal........

Benjamin Franklin once wrote:
"One today is worth two tomorrows"
 
Or better still and my favourite quote of all time:

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass; it's about learning to dance in the rain"
Vivian Greene

Choose to live........

Sunday, 22 June 2014

Saying goodbye is hard

I've never been one for goodbyes....In fact I'll try and avoid them at all costs. At this time of the year it becomes very hard to avoid this when you are about to lose a bunch of mates that you have grown close to over the past 2 years......It should get easier but never does...
So what do you do, what do you say to people you have come to know and care about......??
The truth is there is no easy way to do it.....There's always the promise that you'll catch up in the future and you'll text or phone but as time goes on that becomes less and less frequent as we all get caught up in our own lives......
A dear friend of mine left Baton Rouge last year and I was devastated....It was her turn to move on and my turn to stay......In truth I was happy for her. She was going to her dream job in her dream part of the world. We have stayed in touch through thick and thin in the last year. We've both listened to each others trials and tribulations but I still miss being able to go for a beer with her or simply just spend time with.....
So what do you say when it's time to say goodbye.....Be eloquent, be tactful and keep it simple.....
In truth, I hate the word goodbye. I simply say:

'I'll see you when I see you'


JD Salinger once wrote:
 "I was trying to feel some kind of good-bye. I mean I’ve left schools and places I didn’t even know I was leaving them. I hate that. I don’t care if it’s a sad good-bye or a bad good-bye, but when I leave a place I like to know I’m leaving it. If you don’t you feel even worse"

or better still Terry Pratchett
"No more words. We know them all, all the words that should not be said. But you have made my world more perfect"

Saturday, 21 June 2014

I looked at all of my past blogs this morning and realised that I have not written for such a long time.
Truth about it is I got caught up with life and it's dramas......
The second year of my residency is now completed..... The second half of the year is one that I would much rather forget, and I must say, it's one that I thought would never of happened to me.
In that time I lost 2 dogs at home and have a new nephew and am about to welcome a new niece.
I got to experience a lot of Louisiana, namely jazz fest, the annual migratory bird trip, and of course Mardis gras. Unfortunately, during this time I also had some trying experiences......I look back at these now and smile a little that it's all over but at the time shudder a little because at the time it was like being on a runaway train. Unfortunately I was inflicted by a person who wouldn't and couldn't accept the word 'No'......

When you look up stalking the following definition appears:

 'You are being stalked when a person repeatedly watches, follows or harasses you, making you feel afraid or unsafe. A stalker can be someone you know, a past boyfriend or girlfriend or a stranger. '

You feel helpless at the time because you can't control the situation and also because you don't know what's going to happen next........

Fortunately, I came out the other side.....A little frazzled but nonetheless alive to fight another day.......

Top five strategies to survive a stalker:
1. Ignore them
2. Ignore them
3. Ignore them
4. Ignore them
5. Ignore them

Salmon Rushdie once wrote "I owe my health, my mental survival, to my friends and loved ones"
Thanks to all those who have been there and supported me through this tough time.....