When the news came that the lymph node was clear, to say it was a relief was an underestimate. I think I just sat and cried. What came next was worse. It was like dad had been hit by a train. He thought that this could never happen to him and he finally realised that he was not invincible after all.
I remember the doctor sitting down with him and going through the battery of tests that was going to occur every three months for the next 5 years, and that there was a strong likelihood given the nature of the cancer that he wouldn't see this time through.
I thought the initial diagnosis was bad but knowing that you would be dead within 5 years was "SHIT." Still to give the old boy his credit he got on with things after his sutures came out. Unbeknownst to me, and after his death I found several scribblings of a man struggling with it all, looking for possible treatments no matter how bizarre, like the half a raw onion each day and a possible cancer cure............
I think for me that was the hardest thing to realise, that he thought he was alone during it all. Even though he had close support around him he internalised it all because he was just that type of guy........He came from a family where the man of the house was its strength no matter what. Also I think because he had lost his father at 13 and then had become the man of the house, going to work soon after had contributed to his failure to communicate..............
The tests were never ending and as soon as he would finish one round another round would begin. His life was now ruled by the cancer even though there was no sign of it..............It was just a matter of time 'tic toc tic toc'
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