First diagnosis (9)

I remember the final weeks like it was yesterday. It was a cycle that consisted of me working, then jumping a plane to go home after a 14 hour shift. Once home I would set about fixing what I could fix at home, typical handyman stuff, as well as shopping and being a taxi service. I remember the day it happened. I had been called in to work. It was a Sunday and it had been busy. I had started at 8 am and finally finished at 10. I remember my partner coming to the clinic to pick me up and simply handing me the phone as soon as I exited the doors to the clinic. "You need to ring your mum."

My heart sank. All I could think of was the worst...I dialled the number. When she answered there was a calmness and almost a relief in her voice. "Your dad's had to be hospitalised." All I could say was "okay". She elaborated further. "He was cleaning his teeth this morning at the sink and had a seizure. He stood at the sink, had muscle tremours and frothed at the mouth. When he came to, he became violent with me." I knew what that meant. "I called the ambulance and he's been admitted to hospital. I'm here with him now. He wants to come home."
I stood for a second in the darkness and quiet of the car park. "No." was all I could muster.
"He won't talk to me. He's been swearing at me!!"
"Put him on the phone." When he said hello his words were slurred. It sounded like he was drunk, even though he was not sedated.
"Dad, you need to be here. Mum can't take care of you and you remember what we talked about." He didn't say a word. He knew, I knew, this was the beginning of the end. Fuck, what am I talking about. It was the beginning of the end when he was diagnosed. I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
The next voice that spoke was mum. "When are you coming home ?"
 "I'll be home tomorrow. Get some rest and I'll see you then."

I couldn't sleep that night. I tossed and turned and finally paced the house. I arrived at the airport picked up my car from the long term car park and went to the house first. It was quiet. Mum was already at the hospital. I dropped my bag off and drove to the hospital, all the while thinking about what had to be done. There was a mountain to climb in things to do but it would get done.

When I arrived at the hospital mum was sitting in a chair next to dad's bed and dad was lying on his side. He was sleeping. He heard me enter the room and opened his eyes. "You didn't have to come. What about your job?" I choked back tears, swallowed hard and said "It's okay old man, I had to come home and see you pretending to be sick." He smiled.
I sat down and chatted to them both, just about the day to day things. A short time later lunch arrived. Mum prepared dad's meal. I fought back tears as she cut his meat, and vegetables and fed him. This was over. It was just a waiting game now.....
I couldn't stay any longer. I had to get out. The room had become small and I felt sick. Mum walked me to the car after dad had eaten the smallest amount of food.
"What will you do?" She hugged me tight.
"Well, I'll potter around and do some odd jobs and make dinner. You stay and ring me when your ready to come home and I'll pick you up."
She turned and went back into the hospital and I got into the car. Finally, I couldn't hold the tears back any longer. I just sat and cried....."Why?"
After that I couldn't spend a long at the hospital. Certainly not the hours that mum spent beside dad's bed.
I think at that moment I did and had let him down. I could not face him for long periods. This was the man that I loved and respected with all my heart. Alot of the times we did not see eye to eye but he was smart, intelligent and worked hard throughout his life, and this was the way it was to end, in hospital, bed ridden........