I helped dad dress the next day. It was soul destroying, watching a man I admired and loved with all my heart struggle to put his shirt on. I helped with the shirt buttons and shoes. The car trip to the doctor was quiet. Dad sat mute in the front seat concentrating on not showing any signs of pain. Mum did not say a word.
When we arrived the doctor came out. I wasn't expecting to be involved but he insisted. " I see two people at a time. Your mum and dad will be first and then I will see you with your dad".
Mum and dad were in the office for all of fifteen minutes. When she emerged she had been crying. The doctor came and ushered me in to his office. "Your mum tells me your a vet ?"
"Yes." I felt uneasy. I wasn't here to talk about me I was here to talk about my dad.
He closed the door. "So I need to know from you, what are your expectations and wishes with your dad ?" I was a little taken aback. Mum should of discussed this with him. "Your mum's not dealing with this well and has said that you will address all of this"
"Okay." All I could think of was "fuck, why me!!!Why do I have to be the one to do this?....This is going to be hard!!" After a minute I composed myself and spoke. All the time thinking "do not cry....You have prepared yourself for this....."
"My big concerns are his pain relief. He is in pain and I need him to be pain free...." The second thing is that I need you and him to understand is that when it becomes too much for mum that he will be admitted into palliative care. Mum is not well enough to lift him in and out of the bath or bed for that matter. That is my wish, not mum's and I take full responsibility for that. Whereas I know he could not help getting cancer, he has ignored all recommendations during the time he's had it and now it's too late!!" My voice was breaking. All dad did was stare straight at a spot on the wall. He would not look at me. His lips pursed with his trademark sunnies on his face. He could of been a statue...
The doctor paused and then said. "Well, I agree. His pain relief is an issue. I think we should use fentanyl patches, oxymorphine, and prednisolone. As well I would like to place him on maxalon and omaperazole." He made me feel at ease and a calm came over me. What's more he made you feel like you were involved in the decision making process.
"As to the second request, I have no issue with that. When it comes to a time that your mum can't manage your dad that will happen. Your dad is suppose to see a radiation oncologist tomorrow for an appointment." I rolled my eyes. Fucking leeches...There was no hope, he was dying and they were trying to flog a dead horse......
When thinking back on this moment, I love the fact that I work in an industry that does not prolong pain and suffering. Practicality is out the door when it comes to humans and medicine........
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